0162 A Poem to a Lover IX [25 January 1998]

Dear Orlando,

My dear, dear friend,
I have known you
Since we were both
Clad in swaddling.

But lately
I have noticed changes
In this relationship
We hold high above others.

You give me
Those curious looks
That promise things
A proper lady should not dream of.

Yet I am proper,
Though I do think well
Of that masculine form
You have grown in to.

Surely, we should stare
At one another
Like we each share
An endless hunger.

Should we speak
Of such things?
Or wait, in hopes that
My father will accept you?

Please, do not
Think me bold.
For I am yet a gentle woman,
Even as I hold a hunger unquenched.

Return to me a letter,
Oh lover of my dreams.
Speak to me
Of our marriage.

Your one and only,
Truly and forever.
Willing and lovingly,
Yours always.

0159 The Savage Ones [21 January 1998]

Author’s note: This was written nearly 17 years ago but I somehow find it valid still today. #NoDAPL #StandingRock

Why have you been so savage?
We were willing
To share Mother Earth
And to share our wealth.

You call us the savage ones,
When in reality it is you
Who be the savage ones
You speak of.

Your greed has taken your love.
Your need for more
Took away every bit
Of you that had been human.

You destroyed Mother Earth’s ground,
Tearing apart her beauty,
Tearing apart your soul
The heart that you hold so dear.

0158 I Am [21 January 1998]

Chorus: I am like the ocean,
Lost without end.
I am like the ocean
Forever following love.
I am like the ocean,
Forever longing for the shore
I am like the ocean,
Forever lost without love.

You are my island,
The one anchor in my life.
You forget that I need you
And you walked out the door.

Why must he go? I think to myself.
Was it something I said?
Did I fall too hard,
Too fast for him?


This was perfect for me
He knew what to push,
When to do that thing
He did so well to me.

But as I started to trust,
He slammed me down
Without remorse he left me dry
Like the desert longing for rain.


Bridge: When it seems so perfect for me
The man I love turns me away
And leaves me drifting
Like the never-ending tides.

Chorus: Repeat until end.

0157 Him [21 January 1998]

His muscles.
They entice me,
Tease me.

His body,
So very masculine.
Dares me
To touch the beauty.

Can I hold back?
Will I lose control?
Will I fall too hard?
Can I love him?

His hair,
Dark as thick chocolate silk,
Beckons, calls to my hand
Telling me to feel it, caress it.

His lips,
So sensuous,
So erotic,
Dare me to kiss them.

His eyes,
Deep pools of blue ocean,
Beckons, calls, dares, entices me
To love him.

0156 He Loves Me Not [21 January 1998]

Author’s note: Every once in a while I feel the need to point out that while some of these are based in truth, not every one is. This one is definitely based on fact. Just an emotion, and a phrase.

Just go away.
Death awaits me
On the other side
Of this day.

I have neither slept nor wept,
For I am ready.
I am willing
To die and to end my pain.

No! Do not argue!
I am going to peace.
Away from the harm
His return might bring.

He loves me not,
I know this now.
For how could he,
Just look at me!

How could a man,
Such as he is,
Love a woman,
Such as I am?

He couldn’t.
For I was just a detour,
A repast,
A forgotten object.

I am not able to love
Any but he.
My love stands stronger
Each day I know he comes.

So why die, do you ask?
I must,
For my pain
Is just too much.

He is marrying another,
And that
Is the cause
Of this pain.

That is how I know
That he loves me not.
For how could he marry another
If he love me?

No! Leave me be.
Leave me to my pain,
Leave me,
Leave . . .

0155 Will He Love Me? [05 January 1998]

A hand clenches about my heart,
As yet another lover falls.
What is it about romance
That eats at my heart.

It is like a river is released
When a young man is lost
And his lover
Left alone.

It is like living the tale
Putting myself in the female role,
And falling in love
With the man who is my lover.

And often I wonder,
When does it happen in life?
Will I get my chance at love?
Will he love me?

0154 Loving You [05 January 1998]

I have no where to run,
For my soul has lost its way.
It left with you
And left my heart to decay.

Why must I love you?
For you are no one I trust
Yet, my heart knows it’s own way
And I fear that I must.

You tear out every woman’s heart
Yet you looked at me strangely,
And I asked myself
That he has a change of heart for me mainly.

But then I see deeper
Into the recesses of your soul
And I find a different light
A different goal.

Yours is a light,
That shines upon another
It is different from others.
It is not love for your mother.

I knew it was dangerous
I knew loving you would hurt.
And I threw away all inhibitions
Hoping I could change you, cure it.

Cure the wandering heart,
Settle you down in content
But you had other ideas
Nothing I could portent.

So now here I am,
Lost without a soul to guide me,
Lost without love.
Lost without you.