0218 Lost [23 November 1998]

Unbelieving in myself.

At times,
I hate myself,
Hate my life.

I roam through it,
An unseeing coward,
Afraid of taking the next step.

I do not know who I am,
But what I am now,
I do not like.

I sometimes wish
That I were dead,
And my life ended.

Then would I be happy
Then would I be at peace
And deep within the arms of darkness.

But I do not feel the call,
The need to end it all
By death himself.

I have a purpose
And as yet I don’t know what
But I must need to suffer.

I must endure
The long nights
And the even longer days.

And survive
To do what
I am meant to do.

0213 Happiness [22 September 1998]

As we drift
From place to place,
We are like leaves
Changing color in fall
Turning in the wind,
With nothing to hold us back.

We seek happiness
Like gazelles seek water.
It is our sustenance
If it is held back
We die.

Some never find it,
Die never knowing it.
Some find it,
Living their lives
As happy
As a dog is with its bone.

But do we really seek
The happiness to last all our life,
Or do we seek
For a reality
That keeps us whole,
And leads us home?

0211 My Mistake [21 September 1998]

I am broken,
Let me fall.
Leave me to nature’s way
And forget my pain.

My pain,
It is not yours.
It is mine,
And I deserve it.

I believed
The world good.
I trusted you
And paid for my naivety.

But all was my fault,
For I was warned.
Warned by friends
Who knew of the danger.

You dumped me,
As if I was garbage.
You left me
And never looked back.

You walked out the door
I never heard from you again.
I could not believe I could not see,
That you were a rotten egg.

You hurt me,
But I am at fault.
I now trust no one.
Least of all myself.

0210 The Moment [21 September 1998]

The moment I fell in love,
was when mine eyes
met with your
pools of deep blue.

Your smile caused
the sun to set
and the summer flowers
to suddenly dull.

The moment I fell in love,
was when your hand,
strong and comforting,
took mine in greeting.

When you ran that hand,
so strong and skillful,
through your hair,
hair like ebony strands of silk.

The moment I fell in love,
was when you took my hand,
and even though politely,
asked to dance with me.

When your arm,
stretched to meet mine,
and your hand,
placed itself so carefully on my hip.

The moment I fell in love
was when your beautiful face,
came towards mine,
and ever so gently,
kissed my lips.

0209 Human Rights [17 September 1998]

Taken as you are,
Loved as you always will be.
Forgotten never in my life or others,
And hated only by your enemies.

Remembered as a hero,
Loved as a man.
You gave us hope,
You gave us a chance.

A man with an evil heart,
Brought forth tyranny.
Where once there bloomed peace,
Now withered depression.

Then you came along,
A man with a good heart,
Who cared not to be involved
But thought only of a way out.

You took our war
And turned it into liberty.
You took our hate
And turned it into a way.

Within months you changed
And with you we changed as well
Learning that we could
In a world that said “couldn’t.”

In the end
Victory graced itself upon our lives
And the man who was evil
Was banished from this world forever.