314 Reach [14 June 2000]

I reached through eternity to find you.
Love tried to offer its warm embrace,
the home I only dream of.
I was bitten by my own beast within me,
drawing me back into its cold darkness,
suffering painful agonies that tear my heart
into little pieces to be devoured
by the inhuman faces around me.
A world I wish to escape.
My dreams keep me sane, or insane,
however you would look upon it.
I was so close to finding my home,
safe and warm,
but drew back unable to realize
just what I was losing.
The possibility of losing warm nights
spent in his arms,
the mornings when he would reach for me.
The nights when the darkness was filled
by stars, moons and clouds,
no longer pure, solid black, but glittering
with the thousands of candles
of the distant worlds drifting in space.
I love for that which
I fear I can never have.
For it seems an eternity since
I awakened from my prison,
becoming conscious of what lay
awaiting my hands.
I speak to myself on long intervals,
inside,
reaching my consciousness out to others,
trying to fill the void that
has grown ever deeper and wider.
A dark hole that I fear
will pull me in,
to keep me from him whom I seek.
I seek him,
his touch, his smile,
whether his skin tone be vanilla or chocolate,
and anything in between.
I seek his hands,
to feel his skin pressed close to mine.
To have his head nestled in my arms
or his chin upon mine,
to hear his heartbeat beneath my ear.
These things haunt my dreams,
teasing me with the infinite happiness
that seems to be right there
just beyond my reach.
A cry builds within my soul,
a cry that reaches across the vastness
of space and time into dimensions undreamed of,
where thought is substance and flesh is dream.
A cry that is filled with all my agony,
my frustration, fear, hunger, and desire
that is a monster there with a soul of silver.
Still all I dream of, think of, and speak of goes unnoticed
where my reach can only go so far
while the monster that lives within that other place
returns to its pit whimpering,
the echoes of the sobs that tear
through my heart, mind, body and soul,
as I try to reach for you.

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