500 The Elements [10 August 2002]

when will I be loved?
when shall I be found,
not lost to the elements?
I am a silver bird
with no home
for he is not here
with me
the wind, the air,
lifts and beats at me
the waters threaten to drown
my inner fire could burn me
from the inside out
and my roots wish to rid me
of my earthly bonds.
for when he finds me
he shall be my anchor
to the world.

© Johanna Fugitt 2017

499 Nothing In You For Me [10 August 2002]

Poet’s note: Watch me try to write a song! lol

You never wanted me
so don’t pretend it now
your promises you never keep
for some sense of loyalty
presented askew from reality
I can’t fake that I don’t see
through all your fallacies
all I wanted
was for someone to love me

is it possible
that you loved me at all
or was I just to be there
a thing to hang on
to use and abuse
should I have lied
told you I believed
every word that dropped
from your beautiful lips
pretending everything was alright
when in my heart I knew

I look in your eyes
wondering how I never noticed
that deceptive glint
deep within their depths
I remember once believing
that nothing could hurt me
while in your embrace
little did I know
that it was you
it was from within my safe walls
that betrayal would come


from the first time
I looked at you
I believed love would be found in you
when I awoke from the dream
I found there was nothing
nothing within you for me

© Johanna Fugitt 2017

Unrequited and Unspoken [29 April 2017]

Oh, if only I were not to ache
with the thought of the possible, could-be “you”
then maybe I might be able to move on

Oh if only I were not to ache
with the probable, possible tenderness
that you might share with me

Oh if only I were not to ache
with the withheld touch of your hand
or the crush of my skin against yours

Oh if only I were not to ache
when words spoken or read, promise
that what I feel is in fact truth

Oh if only I were not to ache
when you speak, unknowingly, to me
and my heart starts and stops

Oh if only I were not to ache
when I decide enough is enough
and I walk away from you

© Johanna Fugitt 2017

498 Not as Far Away as I Thought. . . [10 August 2002]

I’ve wanted to fall
for so much of my life
that it’s possible
that it isn’t as far down
as I perceive it to be
for as I listen to my body
it speaks in a quiet whisper
whenever certain men are around
like this one man-child
when he is near me
a slight tremor
quietly shakes my pounding heart
I love meeting his eyes
as he talks to me
I want to lose myself in them
but I look away
when I’ve deemed contact
to be long enough
his voice stirs my soul
with a sweet gentleness
that rocks me to the core
and this other one
I feel hungry
when he walks into the room
my lips ache to taste his
my hands~to touch his skin
his eyes are an ocean blue
that makes my belly ache
wishing he could be the one
that either of them
would be my lover~

© Johanna Fugitt 2017

497 Fear and Desire [07 August 2002]

can I stifle this fear
that caresses my inner thigh
while my heart beats erratic
I try to push it aside
as you come nearer
your body heat warming my skin
while your breath cools it
this mixture of emotion
tears me in two
as my body desires
you with every move
your muscles make sliding
under your glowing skin
my hands itch to feel you
but I keep them clenched
which will be victorious
my aching need for you
or my trembling fear of giving in?

© Johanna Fugitt 2017

496 When Will I Feel This. . . [02 August 2002]

it’s a hunger
deep within
to feel the shivering desire
well-up within me
for a single man
who wants me as well
I wish to have my body tremble
with need when he approaches
burning with love for him
and him alone
to taste desire
breathe love
to have my body betray me
even in anger
to want and to need this man
with every fiber of my being
when will I feel this. . .

© Johanna Fugitt 2017