if only you were here
to hold me in your arms
to chase away my fears
to ease all the pain inside
to hold all that wishes to drown me
at bay with your presence
if only you slept beside me
to keep me warm
to keep me safe
to love me as I’ve always wanted
to dream with me
if only you stood next to me
when everyone seemed against me
if only you spoke to me
with your beautiful voice
or whispered in my hungry ear
if only you held my hand
supporting me without words
only the comfort of your presence
if only my heart
would not hurt this much
for a man I don’t even know
if only my eyes
would not shed a tear
because they cannot see his face
if only my chest
would not pull at my heart
because it aches to have him near
if only I could hide away
from this terrifying feeling
stronger than I’ve felt before
if only I could stop feeling
facing the world without a care
if only I could say
all I feel and not feel fear
if only I could see his smile
or look into his eyes
if only every song I heard
would not remind me of him
if only I could be what I want to be
so when I stood in front of him
I would not be afraid
that he would run
if only I could not be so afraid
of the last
if only I knew
if he really exists at all. . .

© Johanna Fugitt 2017