still awake at dawn’s early light
my mind was wandering
listening to a favorite song
that spoke of safety in love’s arms
yet as I kept on thinking
rolling the idea around in my head
that some man was going to share
everything about my life
know every nook and cranny
know my every hate and desire
and I began to question this
something akin to fear
began to bubble under the surface
until I could not think at all
except dwell on it
on how much I want him in my life
loving me, wanting me, knowing me
but if he really knew me inside
would he really love me or want me
or want to know me anymore
can love look beyond that?
would he love me anyway
or leave my heart out in the cold
to die a frozen death
tormented by the knowledge
that my love couldn’t hold him to me?
maybe what’s inside me isn’t so bad
but then I don’t know
if other people think the way I do
I believe others are worse than me
but what if they weren’t?
what if my soul is as black as theirs?
only I can hide it better
the uncertainty kills me
as I lie awake
here in the dawn

© Johanna Fugitt 2017