ever awakened from a dream
to find that reality
isn’t exactly what you hoped for
much more chaotic and strange
with debts and heartbreak aplenty
financial strain and emotional breakdowns
where can you turn
when you have lived
a lifetime of loneliness
your head must always be kept high
so that no one knows your weakness
your emotions never shown
lest they be held against you
most of the time
I don’t think of life
in this depressing state
I can smile
welcome the sun
see a friend and laugh with them
but every once in a while
my heart begins to break through
the barriers set to keep it at bay
all that I have denied
make themselves known
so that all the pain returns
doubling me over
so I can’t breath
much less hide from it all
what can I do?
but wake each morning
hoping for a happier ending
wishing to be able to sleep at night
so the darkness doesn’t drag me down
at times, I can’t close my eyes
for the happiness I can see there
waiting for me
if only I could reach for it
but my inner self has stunted arms
I can only reach so far
‘til I collapse
all alone
once and always
forever more
so reach for me
may your arms be longer to find me
desperately needing you to need me
I wait for the madness to take over
so that I see
only with rose-colored glasses
dreaming beautiful dreams. . .
show me all that can be
love me with all you have
so that I may be whole finally
never alone again

© Johanna Fugitt 2017