587 Not My Road [17 January 2004]

The void within my heart expands
with knowledge of my chosen path.
The emptiness inside grows with each passing day,
as that which I dreamed of falls ever so far behind.
My journey shall not lead into the arms of a lover,
but into the great wide world.
The simple things will never be mine,
for I am destined for more,
whether my talents manifest their monetary advantage,
or I travel without a home to ever return to.
My adventure has begun,
but is it one I truly wish to follow?
My choice is to give up on finding love,
on being the one for some man.
I have dreamed and reached out,
only to find my advances going nowhere.
I have obsessed over many
but never found he who would obsess over me.
Thus shall my journey distract me
from the despairing truth:
That love shall never be mine,
to have, to hold, to find comfort in.
I must be my own rock, my own self,
belonging to no one,
however deep inside my soul do I wish to belong.

© Johanna Fugitt 2017

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