He confuses me,
he taunts me,
and I enjoy it.
From the moment I see him,
to the moment I see him leave,
I am held within a world
where I am okay.
Where every decision I make
is the right one,
and I am motivated,
by his intense scrutiny
of the way my life is put together.
He makes no judgments of my past,
only offers a way to correct it,
for the promise of my future
and making it a good one.
I don’t know where to turn,
except towards where he is,
but I don’t want to push him too far.
Afraid of his rejection
even if I only ask for comfort
in the tones of friendship.
I know he would be willing to offer it
but am I willing to accept it?
Being alone and misunderstood for so long
I cannot help but be entranced,
overcome by the beauty
that is held within him
as he understands me,
cares for me in the simplest of ways.
I have to leave him soon
and it tears apart my soul
to know I might never know him again,
but a fierce loyalty and raging belief
in that he will be in my life,
for as long as I allow it.
I’ve held back so long
that I am awed by how quickly
he breaks that cycle.
I can’t hold back from him
for he can see right through me
with no effort at all.
I can look at him
and see my future,
wishing to be like him,
to have him be proud of me.
The desire for this
exceeds even that of my parents.
He is someone that I have needed,
for so long that
I cannot fathom a life without him.

© Johanna Fugitt 2017