635 What Made Me Love You [12 September 2004]

In my heart,
there will you reside.
In my soul,
you shall exist until
my essence fades away
into the miasma of eternity.
My love for you
was one I had not expected.
I, in fact, didn’t want to love you.
I wanted to know you,
true,
but love had not even entered my mind.
Then you said you felt
as if you knew me,
and the universe realigned itself
to revolve around one person.
I could no longer ignore you;
I could not stand next to you
and not be moved.
You may never speak to me again,
but I will always keep my heart
ready for you.
And a piece of me, I hope,
shall always travel with you.
No matter if your journey
is in the physical or the spiritual.
I’ve cried for you,
unbeknownst to you,
for the life you’ve had to live
and the tribulations you’ve had to endure.
However I wish life had been better to you,
I would not change who you are,
for that is the person I love.
You may ask why I love you.
Why I care so deeply when I stay so far away.
It is the caring and kindness that exist in your soul.
It is the beauty of heart that reaches out silently
for the love and kindness of others.
It is the way you are around children,
treating them with respect and interest.
It is how you came outside to meet my friend
and saved me from ignoring her cousins
because I didn’t know what to say.
It is the way you hold me
when I do something you approve of.
It is the way you hugged me
on the last day I worked with you.
It is how every song I listen to
somehow pertains to my emotions
that I hold for you.
It is the fact that I cannot be with you
but I can’t let you go.
It is those blue eyes that pierce
the shields I place around me.
It is the voice that calls me back
when I close down.
It is everything you are,
and everything you will be.
I can never be what you need,
however much I want to be,
but I will always be there for you.
Just call my name,
and I will move Heaven and Earth
to be by your side.
No matter what I do,
when in the future, I find lovers,
I would give them all up
just to be with you.
Even if it is to be only one night,
I would give it all up for you.
If only I could tell this to your face,
then that would make this poem complete.
But, alas, it will probably not happen,
for as strong as I may seem,
I am a complete coward
when facing my emotions
in front of others, even you.
Know this, I will love you forever,
even if I never show it.

© Johanna Fugitt 2017

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