Within the deepest recesses of my soul,
there do you constantly linger.
Escape is what I dearly long for,
for who knows what could transpire
were I to give in to this longing
that has me so entrenched
in wanting to know you and love you.
Fear that you will not want me
clouds my mind as well,
So I figure that everything I do or say
has no consequence upon you.
For a man such as you
To want a woman such as I am
seems improbable to me.
Highly unlikely
as I still wish to wake near you.
I have lived a lifetime of regret,
unable to, even upon reflection,
make any kind of move
that would situate me
more towards where you are.
For how can I?
Since the dance I long to be apart of
is still a mystery to me.
The steps and counts unknown.
I would likely falter,
making a fool of myself,
as well as of you.
If I knew,
if I could only have knowledge
of how to step lightly,
so as not to cause your flight,
I would be a willing pupil,
learning and using what is taught
to bring you closer to me.
Be that as it may,
I cannot break these shoes of lead
that hold me to the ground
to even attempt an ambush,
a bombardment of your senses,
that would lead you to me.
I cannot pull away my façade
that hides all these emotions inside,
not even for a minute
for in terror that I would be hurt.
My trust shattered,
my heart betrayed.
How can I ever learn
to give in?

© Johanna Fugitt 2017