I am an arrow that has strayed
far from the point of launch,
the target beyond my flight.
The way blurred,
I continually seek that
which I have sought for years.
Tempered by time,
my teenage bonfire is now a burning ember,
I have sought him for so long that
I feel as if I will never find him.
I often wonder if Fate laughs at me,
at my attempt to aim for love,
to find it for my own.
It must constantly roar with amusement
at my failed attempts to seek him
in others who I see him in.
Only I turn around to see with eyes open wide
That they were truly façades
Covering a deeper inconsistent that
Assures me they are not he.
The last one killed me.
He kills me still.
When will his true form find me?
Or shall my heart be right
That this time I will find no one?
Forever remaining as I am,
dying a little each day that
I cannot find his true shape.
Perhaps that is why I seek a life
In a country that calls my name
with the sound of his music.
To chase after a voice that
awakened something within,
that has kept me moving,
though my body breaks down
a little more each day.
“I’m falling down again and
no one is here to save my soul.”
He has become my heart, my soul,
and I reach farther
trying to touch his light,
certain it will fill me with life,
will restore these bones that have weakened.
Thus my goal is established,
thus my waning strength is shored up
by the embrace of he who I have not touched.
but who has touched me.
It is the promise that keeps me going.
The promise of seeing his eyes,
those deep fathomless eyes,
with mine own and nothing
between us but song.
© Johanna Fugitt 2017