The silence here is deafening.
I see through the mirrors of my fears,
reflecting the only truth that is known to me.
Words speak that time will relinquish this hold,
that I shall one day be free of this prison.
I will spread my wings and fly out of these bars,
leaving those chains that bind me to the earth,
that hold me from finding you.
For in the end of all things,
from the days I cannot bear to wake
to the nights where jagged tears
fall through the loud solitude,
to land upon apathetic floors,
it is you whom I have searched for
when I knew not what I sought.
I once believed I would find my place
here among the hills of this land,
but find that I endlessly seek that belonging still.
It is forever with me, haunting me, killing me.
I see my freedom in your eyes,
in the curve of your chin as you lift it
challenging the camera to catch you just as you are.
It is there in the tilt of your shoulders,
the graceful flow of your hair,
the strong line of leg that entrances me once more.
Once I believed I would have to give up everything,
from what I wanted most inside my soul,
to what I desperately desired in the flesh.
In a world of graded enthusiasm I felt I had to let you go.
Let go of that elusive dream that has held me in its thrall
since I know not when nor where it first occurred.
Perhaps I met you one moment in a dream,
or in a quiet trembling of a vision
that whispered its enchantment upon us both
so that we seek something that cannot be
until our eyes meet once again.
Even as the path of my journey is well known,
even as I know how far I must walk
before I reach that place I have sought for so long,
I became lost, twisted and fallen
among the boughs of the forest that grew up around me.
I wandered alone as I always did,
but you met me on this path and I could never stay the same.
There is no earth beneath my feet,
unless you are there to walk it with me.
There can be no ocean,
unless you taste it alongside myself.
There can be no air to breathe,
until you are there by my side.
A tremor rushes up my spine as I look at your face,
shining through the darkness that surrounds me.
It rolls upon me like the waves of the tide,
following the pull of the moon,
that I am whole when with you.
If only this truth could be,
than shall I fall down these caverns
self-built to keep all out,
while the self desperately wishes to be found.
It is then that she wings out,
my pure uncharted soul,
upon wings of glistening membrane,
moonlit metallic in the heady darkness.
And I no longer fall except into your arms.
© Johanna Fugitt 2017