If I could find that wish that would set me free,
I would follow its burning trail,
drown in its shining glory.
The road of regrets is long for me,
stretching far back into the depths of my story.
It is paved with what-could’ve-should’ve-would’ve’s
that leave me deaf to life’s irrepressible song.
I had made it so far on pure luck alone,
only to be thrust back into the arms of a darkness
that I only thought I had escaped.
Looking back on the wrongs I should have righted,
the deceits I should have torn free into truth,
humorous as it is, painful it has become.
The pit dug by my own hands
increasingly grows bigger with each step I take forward,
with each step that I fall backward.
I have reaped what I have not sown,
thus must I suffer the consequence of such theft.
An unfair world I believed I had lived in,
now shows itself to be incredibly fair,
but only in the loss of that benevolence
can such gratitude be known.
I seek that which I do not deserve,
no matter what others might speak.
Can I really succeed?
Can I pull myself out of this entrenchment?
May I see the glorious sun I so often ignore?
Perhaps.
And perhaps I will find in this suffering
the truth that is me.

© Johanna Fugitt 2017