Like water flowing without end,
I reach for the shore,
only to have it just
out of my reach.
Like searching for that memory
you felt you should remember,
I am lost
within the embrace of my life’s essence.
Flowing towards the sea where I shall sink,
deep into its solitude,
discontent.
Knowing with a certainty that increases day by day
that what I seek to find,
search to hold on to,
shall never be within my grasp.

And just as I thought,
the thing I am told to forget I can never escape.
Thus shall the surprise be withheld,
for that moment,
that glimpse into a future filled by someone else
will not attain existence.
Death doesn’t seem such
a fearsome thing anymore.
It might be the only thing that would hold me tight
within its desperate embrace.

To never have known
a true lover’s touch,
is like a bird that has never known the pleasure of flight.
To never have known
a lover’s breath upon my skin,
will be like a song that has never been performed.

How can I continue?
Revolving in this cycle,
always looking back,
unable to see into the future,
I will remain for there is nothing more for me
than this.
I will disappear,
fade into a darkness
that will feel more real than this.

© Johanna Fugitt 2017