Just once.
Just once, that’s all I ask.

I want a direction for this emotion.
I want a focus,
something to branch out from.

I want a smile in the morning,
a smirk in the evening,
and a laugh in the middle of the night.

I want to breathe in
the smell of the one I love,
know it from the incense,
know it like I know my own heartbeat.

I want that warmth of his body,
feel it as it lays next to me,
touch it as he gazes at me
eyes full of that something only for me.

I want his voice to speak to me,
quietly concerned with my well-being,
thick with his own emotions,
rising to reprimand me.

I want to feel it all.
I want to feel it even if time
deems our paths should part.

I want to know it.
I want to know what it is
that makes people eloquently express
what it is I know nothing of.

I want his breath upon my face,
his lips against my neck,
his body locked with mine.

I want his quiet companionship,
his solid support,
his deepening bond.

I want something to prove
that my dreams are real,
that the truth lies in his eyes.

I want something to prove
that he is possible,
that my years alone
meant he was waiting for me.

I want something
that will prove me wrong,
that I do deserve whatever it is
I feel I have been denied,
forbidden to be apart of.

I want someone to finally return
what feelings I have for them,
not to fall into the endless darkness
as I force myself to give up
when he finds what I sought for myself.

Just once, that’s all I ask.
Just once.

© Johanna Fugitt 2017