765 Sleep [11 June 2006]

Sleep.
I fear it as I do few things.
For in it, dreams lay forth their promise,
leaving my days searching for their truth.
A necessity that I cannot live without,
tormented by the prospect
of seeing exactly what I desire.
During my hours awake,
I try to forget what it is I so desperately wish for.
Yet when my eyes close,
and bless-ed peace enters,
the quiet awakening of visions
tremble through my soul.
Tempted and tortured by dreams,
I strive to avoid rest,
while my body craves it.
If only I could escape. . .

© Johanna Fugitt 2017

764 You [07 June 2006]

Behind closed eyes do dreams awaken.
It is there you appear to me,
strong and gentle, quiet and kind,
but you are not here in the real world.
Your face I have not seen,
skin I have not touched,
voice I have not heard.
Though when I must forsake the dream,
the echoes of who you might be
are found in those I speak with.
Would that one of them be you.

© Johanna Fugitt 2017

762 Submission [20 May 2006]

In tenderness do I retreat,
certain of my own undoing.
For forgiveness here would certainly absolve me,
but tear up my insides with guilt.
Crime is not what has been committed,
only the entirety of my heart.
Fearful that I cannot give enough
is the cause of my withdrawal,
closing myself in to my own cage.
Doubt keeps holding me from breaking these chains,
mistrust slices through the bonds
that would bring about my submission.
To feel those whips, those binding straps,
break down my resolve,
allow me to fall into your safe embrace,
tortured by my trust,
blinded by my desire.

© Johanna Fugitt 2017

761 Whispers [10 May 2006]

Eyes open to oblivion,
i know that this is where I am.
The past rolls like thunder while
the future whimpers in protest.
This doubt is not for me to feel,
for we all follow a path predetermined.
My hand reaches out into darkness,
the comforting night where all is hidden,
seeking that which I know shall never be mine.
In dreams I am tempted by possibilities
all that strike through my heart
with unwavering aim.
To touch his hand,
to hear his heartbeat under my ear,
all this and more do I wish for,
but I fear that I will forever wish it.
I will hear whispers of visions
for the rest of my life,
desperately desiring that which eludes me.

© Johanna Fugitt 2017

760 One [06 May 2006]

Desperate hands reach out into nothing.
Hope still drives me towards that which I desire,
though no home is there for me to find.
The long ribbon of the road I follow stretches out before me,
an endless rippling thing that shines with illusions
disappearing before my hand can reach it.
One touch, one telltale kiss, might be enough.
One look, one meeting of flesh, might sustain me.
Yet when I look to my future,
I only see one.
I alone stand upon this path I tread,
hair gray, skin wrinkled, body tired.
This shall be where I end.
The question will remain,
of how long I will last,
if love as I desire it remains
as elusive as the unicorn of legend.

© Johanna Fugitt 2017

759 Still Here [06 May 2006]

I am still here.
Still waiting amid the chaos of each passing day.
My emotions seem to be a prelude to
Others finding their own happiness.
I do not deign to claim responsibility,
Just wonder and awe that those I wish for
Seem to find what it is I seek for myself.
But then I do only wish for their happiness.
Still do I await the day when even a tiny bit
Might meander my way,
Blessing me with the knowledge
of what love is truly like.
I may not know what life is,
But I know death.
For each day that I live,
Is another day that I die a little more.
I am still here.
I am still alone.
Locked between hope and reality,
Gazing out into a world full of people,
Only able to see that I still seek
What others seem to find.
I cannot stop the impending tide of sorrow
That floods the plains of my solitude
Each time I see others fall into their destiny.
If only a little would splash upon me,
Perhaps drowning me in what I desire.
Maybe then I would be happy.
Yet still I am here, alone.

© Johanna Fugitt 2017

758 Still [05 May 2006]

It is there, still,
quiet in the desperation of my thoughts.
I thought that time and ignorance
would erase its presence,
but it lingers,
like the summer’s warmth,
as autumn turns to winter,
like the scent of perfume on skin.
I thought that I could forget it,
this desire to belong to someone.
Amid the thoughts of my future,
it is there, still.

© Johanna Fugitt 2017

757 Storm [02 May 2006]

His gaze of thunder rumbles
throughout the valleys of my soul,
bearing an echo of truth
amid the lightning fire.
Wishing to escape the electric reality,
my eyes turn away
as fear trembles in the afterglow.
Metallic-flavored crimson bursts upon my tongue
as teeth keep my words from answering the call
of his languid desire.
But his winds tear away doubt,
his rain cleanses past transgressions
lightning blinding me to apprehension,
opening me to hope.
I return his gaze with reborn eyes,
skin shuddering in waves of yearning.

© Johanna Fugitt 2017