Damn hope.
Damn it for causing my heart to beat.
Damn it for the ‘probably’ that crosses my mind.
Damn it for the blossom of emotion
when someone looks my way.
Damn my heart for believing that
what it desperately desires is at all reachable.
Damn it for yearning, caring.
Damn this pain, this emptiness that courses through my chest.
Damn his voice for causing my heart to skip a beat.
Damn it all, so I can be unfeeling,
unknowing of despair or desire.
Damn God because supposedly he made me this way.
Damn me for feeling anything at all,
for fearing dreams that bring hope,
in the shape of he who might be.
Damn me for not hating he who
never wishes to hear my name again.
Damn his music which gives me hope,
which keeps me breathing, living.
Damn life so that tomorrow
I may never wake.

© Johanna Fugitt 2017